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I’m Suspending Disbelief Until Further Notice

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I’m The Reason For Santa’s Naughty List

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I’m The Asshole In The Comments Section

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I’m Not Fat – I’m American

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I’m Not Haitian But I’ll Eat Your Kitty

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I’m Like The Michael Jordan Of Standing In This Spot

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I’m A Man Of Few

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I’m Not Racist. Some Of My Facebook Friends Are Black

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I’m Not Fighting The Man – I Just Like Fisting

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I’m So High Only Dogs Can Hear Me

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I’m Not Getting Fatter I’m Experiencing Inflation

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I’m Not Gay – I Only Help Out When They Are Busy

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I’m Part Of The Problem

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I’m Not Autistic I’m Just An Asshole

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I’m Not Getting Jiggy – I Have Parkinson’s

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I’m Not Pro-Abortion. I’m Amateur At Best

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I’m So Gay I’m Almost Straight

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I’m Not Trans. I Just Want To Watch Your Daughter Pee

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I’m Doing God’s Work – Because That Lazy Bastard Never Does It

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I’ll Eat It

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I’m Hungry And You’re A Potato

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I’m Cute No Shit (Adult Version)

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I’m Just In It For Parking

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I’m Not Anti-Vax I’m Pro Measles

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I’m All For Being Social But This Is Fucking Bullshit

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I’m Available For Curbside Pickup

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I’m Huge In Japan

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I’m Here For The Wrong Reasons

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I’m A Dick

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If You Think My Shirt Is Tight